I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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