I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
