I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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