Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Say something about gay babies.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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