Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
