i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
