the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
