Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
