he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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