I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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