When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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