a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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