Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
