Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think my moral compass just broke
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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