Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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