Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
