New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
