Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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