I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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