oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
