masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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