My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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