The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
