If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
