Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
