You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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