Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
