At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
