If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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