me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
