Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
