Betty ford says i'm here all night
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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