I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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