Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
