its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
