i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
