Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
