Say something about gay babies.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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