Pappa wants mamma naked
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have feelings that need drinking.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I party with great urgency now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
