During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
