this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
