Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
