She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
