final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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