You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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