Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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