I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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