mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
