this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
