I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
