I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am one with the molecules
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
