I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
