What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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